Realizations of the Previous Past

I've been thinking lately...

About all the things in this world, in this life...

All the things we do, all the things we see, all the things we say, people we meet, people we hurt, things that we discover, people that discover you; the list goes on.

But I've been thinking; to a certain extend I believe that all these things happen for a reason, I'm confident in saying that.

We may seem and feel like it doesn't and we take things for granted as they phase through our lives, day in and day out as we live each and everyday...

But what's hidden, is all the things we actually learn from all these things.

There and then, or later on down the track, we seem to finally realize all the new things we had actually learnt from that event, that person, that movie, that particular moment.

Often we don't realize what we've really learnt, but sometime down the track you do.

But, what's been bothering me, is that; when we learn these things--and we mostly learn the big and important lessons way later down the track- we seem to have lost contact with the source of where you learnt this from.

You learn something from a particular event, and by the time you realize what you've learnt, you can't seem to go back and re-live it all, to see what else you can learn and take from it.

Much the same with a person.. .. ..

At the time you meet someone, or spend some time with a person, and you live those days as you do normally. However months, maybe years down the line, you soon come to think about allot of things, and you realize how that person back then, had taught you this...but you didn't realize til just now...

and depending on what you learnt and all, you want to either go back in time or see them again now to either thank them, or just simply tell them what you've learnt and how it's moved you or how it made you feel in certain ways.

But sometimes you can't meet them again, because of things that have come between both of you in the time up til now, or they are somewhere else in this world. and it kills you that you can't let them know that they have had some affect on you, to your life that you lead, a part of your everyday philosophy is thanks to them.

But, that's only half of whats been on my mind:

In saying all this, I've also come to think about "HOW" exactly can we know that we can learn something from this particular event, person, place and moment?How?- if we knew, it would make things so much easier to appreciate things and possibly learn a greater deal than you would later on. If we could tell who we could learn from, although you can learn from anyone, if we could know of those that has the ability to change the mind that you carry and update with you at all times; we'd want to hear more about them or from them, what they have to say, what they have to show and offer.

Ever wish that you could go back to do or re-live something with all the knowledge you have now?

You get that feeling when you realize all the things you've learnt and collected here and there, you just wish you could do it all again with what you've recently learnt to appreciate whatever or whoever it was and possibly learn a greater deal than you already have.

I've learnt a lot from many people, so many that I cannot begin to start listing their names, but its everyday that I think about something which takes me back to when I first learnt it from that person or that place, that time. and not a day goes by that don't ever wish I could speak to those people again, visit that place again. So I can expand on what I already know at this point in time. Only to tell them that they have had some impact on me in one way or another.

In saying so, it gets me thinking...not to sound selfish but...

Have I made an impact on anyone? Am I one of those people to anyone who wishes they could see me again? Have I changed any one's mind or perspective on anything at all? Have I done something at all that has made people stop and think for a minute?

I can't begin to imagine all those out there who are constantly teaching something new to everyone everyday. That's what I've been doing recently, people I meet anywhere, I try to leave something with them, for them to think about now or later. I want to leave something behind to people, I want to let them know that someone like me exists here in this world. That I think way outside the box and see a picture from a million angles, make a picture worth 10, 000 words not 1000. To leave a message behind, for people to realize all sorts of things. I try to teach them something that anyone can relate to, and relate and apply to their very own lives in anyway, any circumstances. A universal lesson that can be applied to anyone by all. That is what I am trying to do...

But for now let me just say, it's hard to go on knowing somethings that you try to send across will be unheard, especially to those that may really need to see the deeper thoughts and points I am trying get across to them.

I think we need to see the everyday life, for what it really is... if you understand what I mean by that...

I think we need to make a change within ourselves for others to do the same also, and for all to come to a mutual level, where everything connects! Everything makes sense, everything is anything and what we really make of it.

the weight of the world is only what we make of it,

the empty hearts won't be filled by the beat of it,

the time will tick on no matter what,

and if we could simply connect the final dot,

to see the real picture

and naturally see the fixture

of all that is actually true

and not what we assume of the clues

but we all get there in the end,

to finally see the time spent

on the ones we love, the things we share

even for those that will never really care,

We will still see the awful truth,

maybe not now, but soon we'll come through...

-Mr.Y

bp-6

Inspirational Luck & Guilt

Today, I had a really guilty feeling build up inside me.
For one of our units at University, for Health and Physical Education; we were required to write up a personal health goal, and then actually perform this health goal and write a progress report about it.
There was a diversity of different health goals, from losing weight, to exercising daily. It's not a seriously big assignment, but I took my personal health goal quite lightly.
I have this somewhat addiction to fast food such as McDonald's or Hungry Jacks (AKA Burger King), and it's been a bad habit to have. My personal health goal report consisted of me writing about how I was going to start to eat right and eat healthier; more salads etc etc.
As I said, I took this report lightly, and almost had no serious work or effort or thought for that matter put into it. As I was writing it, I did not see it this way at all. But what made me get this guilty feeling inside, happened this morning, at a lecture...

At the end of today's lecture, our lecturer had invited a special guest, who is a student at the University. Who got up to have a talk to us all, as most of us had our bags in hand ready to go, and having no idea as to what this guest was about to say, we waited.

She started off by saying how important these personal health goals are; at that moment, she almost lost me, but I kept my ear open. Then she explained about some recent events that had happened to her, from almost a year ago. Explained to us how she was feeling sick one day and planning out a lesson to carry out in a class, and then once that was done, she went for a check up with a doctor. After several tests, she got the results back. She explained, it did not have anything to do with anything she ate, or did in the past-she was a clean person. She explained

"It was just pure darn dumb luck..."

She was told that she had a serious heart illness...
One that was quite hard to a solution for, then the explanation of the hospital stories she told us, as she lay in a hospital bed with other patients in their 80's and 90's. She could not do anything without having to struggle through it, do nothing without having to power through it all thinking positively every step, every second of the way to see tomorrow, that WILL come.
Her confidence and brave spirit inspired me, but also held a power to completely drain mine, completely fill me with guilt.
For those who know me fairly well, you would know that I do not care for myself very much, or think highly of myself. This is where it got me thinking; after hearing the trembling words from her mouth and through my ears and into my mind and touching that spot enough to move me, to make me feel the things I did, it made me feel so guilty about the actions and attitude I took towards my personal health goal. My health is great, but I'm almost throwing it all away for nothing, and taking great advantage over it all, and completely disregarding those that would give anything to have what I have. I always said I wouldn't want to be that, but look where I am.
As she entered through those lecture theatre doors today, and as I did not know who she was, before she took a seat, she stopped for a minute and looked around the room for a split second, there was something about the way she scanned the room that was not the same as a normal scan anyone does in a lecture to see where their friends are sitting. There was more to it than that, by the end of her talk, I could see how there was so much she wanted to say, and so many hidden messages behind the words she spoke today. She even said, she was trying to squeeze all sorts of things in because we were running out of time in that room. Why should there be a time limit when someone in need is right there in front of you, trying to bring across a huge message. Why? Why should she be standing there explaining to us what she has and is going through, it must mean something.
I felt guilty at the fact that I was sitting there 110% healthy, and taking something that should not be taken lightly, lightly....and I bad at the fact that I was there, when my health could be with her, why am I ok, when there are thousands like this person in need. If only I could do something. Why do I deserve the luck of being well, and not her? What did she do to deserve this? She has no bad thoughts, or bad intentions. She just wants to be able to be there with her partner and live a life. Although in saying so, her way of living, is much more wiser, much more stronger and more strong hearted than many of us put together. She taught us something. Her true inspirational spirit at heart, has no doubt made a big change in some people's minds today.
Of Course what I have said here is only brief, a glimpse of what she had said today.
After her talk was over and as the students got up to leave, I walked over to to a close friend to quickly explain my thoughts to him, I told him exactly what I have said here, he understood vaguely. After I explained it to him, a few people approached me saying to me how I need to watch my health etc etc. Right after I explained it all to a friend. They were just that little bit too late to knowing my thoughts. But then again, some people will go on without knowing what others really think. They will go on thinking they knew it all themselves, and how that person never knew, never realized where as in fact they may have. That is something that kind of hurts, to know your thoughts are vital to be heard, to be known, to be out there.
But, it just won't be...
I am just going to have to try and try,
fight for what is right...

bp-5

Wars and Tours

Dont you think it's time. . .

Time to change,
Time to move on,
Time to see what lies ahead and not beyond?

Why do we always cause such tragic and disaster upon ourselves, our own people to prove to one another what new 'toys' they've made.
I was sitting out on my porch the other day, with the radio next to me, the sun rays reflecting off my aviators and a cold drink at hand looking up at the cloudless sky, when on the radio the lady was reporting about more deaths in Iraq. It then got me thinking, as I looked up at the sky; we all live on this same planet, we all breathe the same air, we all live our own lives under the same blue sky...yet, just by crossing the seas you are taken to a whole new world almost, where a completley different culture is embraced, a whole new city of people who think differently to you, but function the same way. You get there and you see them, living their own lives, and even in places such as Iraq, where this hellish war is taking place, you will still see the children smile, you will still hear the people laugh, you will still see the people communicating in their own language to one another and breathing the same as you, and understanding the concept of waving instead of attempting to speak another language. With a little bit of effort on both sides, communication is easily achieved; but why do we of all things on this planet cause so much greif between ourselves to have this taken away from us. We learn from them, as they do from us. We live on this planet, and we need to know about it, why do we take that away from ourselves. We destroy and we never seem to repair, only to repair those that will redo the costly damage once again.
As I sat there on my porch listening to the horrific tales of what had happened, I looked up to see a two birds in the tree in my driveway almost as a couple singing to each other, and realised as we begin to destroy this place slowly, we not only cause trouble and disaster for ourselves, but for the natural world too...We take their homes away, and create destruction for our own, what good is their in that? Will we stop and remember the homes we've burnt down, the families we have torn apart, the cherishable memories we have ripped away, the blood we have shed, the nature we have destroyed. How will they all be remembered, will they be remembered at all?
But, that is just another story that will eventually come to an end, and the remembrance in itself, is a whole new story...

It's been 3years since my time on Music Tour through my old High School. On it, I learnt a great deal, and came back seeing the world from another view.
This year, another group gets to do the same thing. If you were to ask me about the most memorable moment or time whilst on tour, I could give you an answer, and it is not the whole tour itself. Exploring the Bavarian Alps on a particular day, and climbing and carefully working our way through nothing but rock, we finally reached new corners of the Alps. Big patches of snow was discovered, and for those who had never seen snow before in their lives; well, lets just say that was enough for them. Not long after the discovery, a massive war was waged upon each other with clumps of snow being the only form of ammunition. And as time went on, there was a distinct separation between two teams, one side against another.
However; this was not my special moment. Mine was to be discovered much more ahead--further up the alps. I continued on past the snow alone where noone there had been to yet. I walked for about another 7-10mins forward finding some more snow. Then as some had followed my footsteps, they stopped at this spot, as I continued onwards yet again.
Eventually came to a certain point where I could go no further. The loud yelling and screaming from the others in their snow fight, could not be heard at all, nor seen. I was higher up than them and further up too, but nothing. I sat there on the alps- on the border of Germany and Austria, and gazed out into the open. Saw myself surrounded by mountains and cliffs, and below far far down small towns and villages. All I could hear was the sound of the wind whistling in my ear gentle and crisp. I was higher than the clouds, for the first time I saw clouds from above them, and not in a plane. I could hold a pen out and the small towns could be covered with the tip of my pen, thats how far/high I was. For a moment, I just sat there and just enjoyed what was there, right in front of me. I had found this form of calmness, and peace. Among all that is going on in this world at that exact moment, all the terror, sadness and the terrible noises and air people had to breathe throughout the world, I was there enjoying and feeling the pureness of what Nature has to offer. I could taste and smell the pureness of the air up there. I could tell the difference between the air we normally breathe and what I had taken up there. This moment I had up there, was a wake up call to me. Noone else was to know what I experience up there, even you who is reading this may or may not understand the feeling I got. Coming back down the alps, that is all I could think about. I was up there, with the 'real' nature of this mother-earth; and I realized-the Earth was breathing with me...

I could not get my mind off the thoughts I was thinking up there, it stayed with me the whole day, and I knew I would not forget that feeling. As I was up there, I was hysterically taking pictures from every angle and taking 360 degree shots and videos of the place just to try and bring back as much as I could of that place. But in doing so I realized as to now matter how hard I try, this place will appear different to others that I show these pictures and videos to. They of course will not get the same feeling as I did. They will not see the beauty and the heaven-like sights as I saw it. But all I could do was try...

I came back from tour couple of weeks later; and tried to describe to people back home what it was like. But I suppose its quite hard to do.
This year, the students on tour have the opportunity to explore the same thing. Whether or not they will see or think the things I did, but the opportunity is there, and whether or not they take it is entirely up to them. They may return without any kind of proper thought put into anything, or it may hit them later on down the track way after the tour has finished.
But will they? Will they really see the things we saw, despite the fact that they are going to places entirely across the globe from where we went, will they still think the way we did? Or perhaps come back with totally different views to what we had when we got back. Whilst on tour its always the thrill and the excitement of it thats constantly kicking in. But its only after the trip and later on or you get an email from someone on that trip or something until it starts to kick in.
The cool thing about tour is that, you discover this whole new world, just by jumping on a plane and going somewhere...Whats also great about tours and trips, is not only the thrill of going away; but all about the, the people you meet, the places you go to, the things you see, the things you eat for the first time, and the activities you do...

to be continued. . .






bp-4