For one of our units at University, for Health and Physical Education; we were required to write up a personal health goal, and then actually perform this health goal and write a progress report about it.
There was a diversity of different health goals, from losing weight, to exercising daily. It's not a seriously big assignment, but I took my personal health goal quite lightly.
I have this somewhat addiction to fast food such as McDonald's or Hungry Jacks (AKA Burger King), and it's been a bad habit to have. My personal health goal report consisted of me writing about how I was going to start to eat right and eat healthier; more salads etc etc.
As I said, I took this report lightly, and almost had no serious work or effort or thought for that matter put into it. As I was writing it, I did not see it this way at all. But what made me get this guilty feeling inside, happened this morning, at a lecture...
At the end of today's lecture, our lecturer had invited a special guest, who is a student at the University. Who got up to have a talk to us all, as most of us had our bags in hand ready to go, and having no idea as to what this guest was about to say, we waited.
She started off by saying how important these personal health goals are; at that moment, she almost lost me, but I kept my ear open. Then she explained about some recent events that had happened to her, from almost a year ago. Explained to us how she was feeling sick one day and planning out a lesson to carry out in a class, and then once that was done, she went for a check up with a doctor. After several tests, she got the results back. She explained, it did not have anything to do with anything she ate, or did in the past-she was a clean person. She explained
"It was just pure darn dumb luck..."
She was told that she had a serious heart illness..."It was just pure darn dumb luck..."
One that was quite hard to a solution for, then the explanation of the hospital stories she told us, as she lay in a hospital bed with other patients in their 80's and 90's. She could not do anything without having to struggle through it, do nothing without having to power through it all thinking positively every step, every second of the way to see tomorrow, that WILL come.
Her confidence and brave spirit inspired me, but also held a power to completely drain mine, completely fill me with guilt.
For those who know me fairly well, you would know that I do not care for myself very much, or think highly of myself. This is where it got me thinking; after hearing the trembling words from her mouth and through my ears and into my mind and touching that spot enough to move me, to make me feel the things I did, it made me feel so guilty about the actions and attitude I took towards my personal health goal. My health is great, but I'm almost throwing it all away for nothing, and taking great advantage over it all, and completely disregarding those that would give anything to have what I have. I always said I wouldn't want to be that, but look where I am.
As she entered through those lecture theatre doors today, and as I did not know who she was, before she took a seat, she stopped for a minute and looked around the room for a split second, there was something about the way she scanned the room that was not the same as a normal scan anyone does in a lecture to see where their friends are sitting. There was more to it than that, by the end of her talk, I could see how there was so much she wanted to say, and so many hidden messages behind the words she spoke today. She even said, she was trying to squeeze all sorts of things in because we were running out of time in that room. Why should there be a time limit when someone in need is right there in front of you, trying to bring across a huge message. Why? Why should she be standing there explaining to us what she has and is going through, it must mean something.
I felt guilty at the fact that I was sitting there 110% healthy, and taking something that should not be taken lightly, lightly....and I bad at the fact that I was there, when my health could be with her, why am I ok, when there are thousands like this person in need. If only I could do something. Why do I deserve the luck of being well, and not her? What did she do to deserve this? She has no bad thoughts, or bad intentions. She just wants to be able to be there with her partner and live a life. Although in saying so, her way of living, is much more wiser, much more stronger and more strong hearted than many of us put together. She taught us something. Her true inspirational spirit at heart, has no doubt made a big change in some people's minds today.
Of Course what I have said here is only brief, a glimpse of what she had said today.
After her talk was over and as the students got up to leave, I walked over to to a close friend to quickly explain my thoughts to him, I told him exactly what I have said here, he understood vaguely. After I explained it to him, a few people approached me saying to me how I need to watch my health etc etc. Right after I explained it all to a friend. They were just that little bit too late to knowing my thoughts. But then again, some people will go on without knowing what others really think. They will go on thinking they knew it all themselves, and how that person never knew, never realized where as in fact they may have. That is something that kind of hurts, to know your thoughts are vital to be heard, to be known, to be out there.
But, it just won't be...
I am just going to have to try and try,
fight for what is right...
bp-5
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